Saturday, January 9, 2016

Why I Need an AK-47

I've been thinking about guns lately. Which is something I don't normally do. I woke up thinking I should really embrace more of my Bill of Rights. Sure, I got freedom or speech or so I think anyway. And I got voting rights but I am not sure where that get's me (that is a topic for another post).  Which brings me to why I need a an AK-47. In my state of Pennsylvania, a semi-automatic weapon is legal.  And I want a gun to protect myself and my property. After much thought the AK-47 is the superior weapon to embrace my second amendment right.

I know I will pass the background checks. How? I have several done for employment. I had a thorough one through the FBI just to work at the YMCA.  Background checks- free and clear.

Here are the reason I need an AK-47. The world is a scary place, it really is and with a weapon such as this, I know I would be able to sleep better at night knowing I have the ultimate in home protection. Just because I don't live in a big old city, doesn't mean there aren't some scary and life threatening situations just lurking around the corner.

1.   Critters in the trash- raccoons, skunks, possums. They hop in the trashcan looking for some rotten vittles. I don't want to be bit by  such a critter;  they could have rabies. Who the hell wants to get rabies shots? Not I. With an AK-47, I can take care of the critter problem. I guarantee you word will get around the critter circles, they will not be visiting my trashcans again.

2. Someone might break into my house. Hey this can happen anywhere. Look I am not a good shot, I probably would shoot the wall with a pistol but with an AK-47, I will definitely shoot the perp at least somewhere. That cocksucker also will not try that shit again.

3. Bath Salts. I am talking about the designer drug not what you take a bath with. It doesn't matter where you live, people do drugs. How am I supposed to know when some crazy, hyped- up bath salt fucker doesn't come around my house looking for trouble. With an AK-47, he or she definitely would not be causing trouble at my house again.

4. Crazy, hungry, rabid bears.  I like to walks in the woods in the state park.  I know bears live in the those woods,  but I have never seen one. It is always possible that a crazy, hungry, rabid bear will come out of the woods and see me as a delectable dinner. With an AK-47, I can definitely take down the bear and save my life. It is always good to be prepared because I am sure that happens.

5. Aliens. Not legal or illegal humans that come from a different country, but these guys:
You know it. I know it.  We don't what kind of intelligent life lives in the universe. There are rumors that aliens have visited Earth.  I don't want to be unprepared should they visit my house. With AK-47, I should be able to get off a couple shots before they even try to take over my mind, or steal my shit. Aliens are wiley fuckers. So you better watch out for them.

6. And this is the most important reason: ZOMBIE APOCOLYPSE. When the time comes, I don't want to be the one screwball without an AK-47. You can buy your emergency food pails from online (which I would do soon). You should also  stock up on water and oxytocin. Because your survival against zombies and non-zombies who are looking to steal your supplies is an AK-47.

What do you think? Until next time...

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