Sometimes Life is Moving Fast

My life is moving fast, but it's more like the novel is moving fast. I completed 18 days of Nanowrimo and I have written 40,000 words as of yesterday. This is the longest thing that I wrote thus far. Is it easy? Sometimes, it is easy. I am a short story writer, I have been writing short stories forever and a novel lets me write and write and write some more. There is a lot more exploration in a novel. Sometimes it is easy and sometimes, most times writing a novel is hard. Okay writing in general is hard.

While I'm writing or not writing, I forget how to write. Really I do. I wonder if I am doing enough showing, do I have balance between showing and telling. Is there too much dialogue? Fuck if I know and I guess that what editing is for. I am terrified to edit and I want to fix major story things that I noticed on my first read through. But I told myself no and I just keep going. If writing is like a muscle or whatever the phrase all this bull shit is supposed to start going away, the self doubt, the story malfunctions, the more you do it, the better you become. Okay maybe not the self doubt but it has to subside some, right? I never wrote a novel before so I don't know.

I started one and maybe one of my writing goals for 2014 should be to finish it. Editing this novel, the one I am working on for Nanowrimo, is daunting but at the same time. I want to do it. I want to get my novel published eventhough I wonder about my language (the book is filled Fuck, more fuck and double fuck you get the idea). The novel is demented and twisted which can be good or bad. All I know is I want to do this old fashioned way, I want to publish the novel as a real live book, one that you can sniff the pages and take in the bath tub or read on a subway without the batteries dying.

So as my mind is starting to think about the ending of the novel which still has more to go after the 50,000 words, I am also thinking of a title. The only title I came up with so far was "Sex, Magic and Murder" yes it would sell books, kind of seems clique and clichee and more like a murder mystery than anything else.  It needs a title so I can stop calling it "it." And finally I am thinking about the future of the novel. I don't want it to be half done, thrown in the corner collecting dust, I want to edit it, make the best I can be and who knows I will be more than happy to have a movie deal (you really have to think big, in my case real big). 

On the upside, I changed my thoughts, I am not better or worse than this writer or that writer, I am a writer looking for a break, just like everyone else in this business, this life path, this artistic torture.

This is going to be great and I hope 2014 will offer open doors for you and me.