Sunday, October 4, 2015

October's Sunday

Hello all, it's been a week since I last wrote and that is a pretty good improvement. I want to say I was busy writing, but that would be a lie? So why aren't you writing? You maybe thinking. I am, for lack of a better word, discouraged.  I send things away and it is always rejects. I know it that is how it rolls but that doesn't mean it makes it better.

My husband said to me, "do you think a doctor just gives up with your heart laying on chest  because he is discouraged?" While he may be discouraged, he sure doesn't give up. 

I am lacking motivation. It's like everything is at  a standstill or everything is moving around me and I am not moving. I am just breathing.

I was thinking the other day, how luck I truly am. I am lucky because I don't have to work outside the home. It's not like we are wealthy, he makes enough to live on and we make do without certain expenses like cable and expensive cell phone plans.  My kid is in school and my own school work probably only takes 10-12 hours a week to complete, which leaves ample time for writing. I am lucky because other writers have to work a full time job or more and then shove writing somewhere in between. And what am I doing? Wasting it all away for no good reason. I can write 1000 words in an hour on a good day. If I spent two hours writing at 1000 words an hour for 5 days a week, that would be 10000 words a week a novel written in 2 months.

Sometimes, I just need to hear from someone else that I am good at writing (or maybe some words of encouragement). I know I should be writing for myself.  I also want people to read my stuff. I put my work in the world and the only thing I hear are crickets.  I constantly wonder if I am boring, if I am worth anything as a writer.

As time goes long, I am lost in sea of writers and I am no one. I think maybe I lost whatever supposed talent, I ever had. I don't fit in with any group. This is very true in workshop classes, I feel like an outsider, like I don't belong. I am not similar to anyone else and I don't belong anywhere.

Okay enough whining for one day. Enjoy your day.

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