If I Lose My Mind

It's been almost two weeks since I posted anything, and I know I say I'm sorry- I probably am. But then I just can't seem to break from the fog that holds me hostage.

It's amazing that I can even get my school work done and make dinner. Sometimes, I don't even know where the time goes. I work and work and get nowhere. Maybe it's like quicksand, I would have no idea because I've never been in quicksand. I think I know what to do, but I know me, I would flake the fuck out if I was drowning in quick sand.

Years ago, I wrote all the time. Dedicated to it. And now it feels like I've lost the dedicated feeling. Except for April, I have no problem writing a new poem every day and posting. But I guess, there's not much more to say about that. 

I sit around thinking of great things to write, these thought provoking phrases come and go and by the time I sit down to write, it all vanishes. And I want to maybe post at least a 100 words. That is nothing. But for some reason 100 words is quite difficult. These thoughts combine with the thoughts about my creative work and it all gets flushed down the toilet.

I find myself daydreaming about the improbable- dreaming about fame I want but don't at the same time. The house on the beach or maybe in the Poconos. Or maybe both. Even my daydreams become blurred with the fiction I always seem to find myself in.

I told the doctor about this fog. I should've told her that if I lose my mind then I am nothing. But sometimes I wonder if I already lost my mind, and I just don't know it. I want to find those pieces of myself that went missing over the years. 

Once I think I found my writer's voice and now it seems missing again.

Well that's enough for today... who knows what tomorrow will bring. For now, I'm going out to mow the grass while there is a strong wind from the west and the sun peek a boo through the clouds. And maybe the wish fuzz will float in the breeze sparkling in sunshine.

Till next time...