Sunday, June 11, 2017
Jupiter on Repeat
Do you ever really look at people? I find myself looking at each person, while sitting in a parking lot or on the boardwalk. Wondering what they are thinking about. Why are they going into the beer shack, is for a get together with friends or to drown their problems in amber? I wonder who they are, where they are going. Sometimes, if you think about people long enough, you realize they might be wondering the same thing about you, and in the end you are all almost the same- just a spec in the universe. We circle around each other like atoms sharing electrons.
I couldn't mow over the garter snake in my front yard. I thought I had killed him when I mowed over his tail- twice. But once I turned the mower around, he was there. His head upright, flicking his tongue, sensing the air. I moved the mower closer, to scare him. He didn't move. He looked right at me and I looked right at him and I mowed in another patch of yard. Later, I found him under the car. Then even later, I didn't find him at all.
Sometimes, beautiful word phrases will come to mind and they swirl and tumble like dandelion seeds. Then just like that, a wind comes and takes them away. And I find myself wanting to write but the muscle desire and discipline also vanish in the wind. I think that, maybe, I am too hard on myself. What is productivity anyway? And how does that mean anything to anyone? Somehow, through mind numbing levels of Candy Crush, I get my work done. I should be glad for that.
It is like summer just turned on. The heat outside lays across the horizon like spider webs. I want to go swimming, but the lakes are too cold. Inside, the heat has not found its way in. It will by eleven tonight. The thermostat will read 81. I like the summer. I like sitting in the sunshine by water feeling my skin burn even if I am wearing SPF 75.
There are too many thoughts in my head. And my dreams are disturbing. Sometimes, I don't know if my memories are real or memories from dreams. It is in those dreams, I am looking for something. I don't know what and sometimes I feel myself losing my breath, somewhere in the void.
I think about the people all around me and the summer heat and all I really want is a cherry Popsicle to make my lips red and listen to Jupiter on repeat.